So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
