Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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