I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
