I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
