So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
