my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
is it fun? or sober?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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