How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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