I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
