only if we run a train.
done.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
