woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
