don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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