Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.

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(281): View more from Texas

Thanks for getting me home last night.

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.

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(516): View more from New York

I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!

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(226): View more from Ontario

While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."

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(+61): View more from Australia

You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.

(+61): View more from Australia

Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.

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(815): View more from Illinois

so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.

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