Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
