just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
