it was like his penis was on wheels.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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