you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
don't judge my taste in strippers
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
