I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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