wanna go halves on a baby?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just blew my weed a kiss
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
