I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
