I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
