i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
