I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
