I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
