I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
