I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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