Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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