hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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