You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
