im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
