we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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