I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
