here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
