Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
