You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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