I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
