dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
