I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
