You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
