He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
