Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I faked an abortion last night.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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