Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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