Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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