Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
