watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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