My sheets look like a crime scene.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
