some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
