yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
