Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
