I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
 go to hell.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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