there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
