can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
