i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
