Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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