Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
