at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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