And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
you never un-have a 4some
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
