Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
