Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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