i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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