I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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