if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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