So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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