Are we in a gay sports bar?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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