I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
