dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
